"Hey, I can be flexible. As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I'm totally flexible."

Oh Lorelai Gilmore, how true your words are sometimes...

I don't like change.

In fact I normally try and stay away from change. I don't like to break out of my routines or out of my own little bubble. I've always been one of those people that has to be kicked through the door before I would normally even consider opening it.

The person who used to be able to kick me through that door, used to be my mother. But with her on the other side of the country, her legs don't reach that far. So I've had to try and kick myself through that door. Even with the amazing friends and family that I have, I've always been afraid of doing new things. Afraid that I'm going to fail, afraid that I'm going to get done with it then realize I wanted something else. So maybe I should change my first statement... It's not that I don't like change...

I'm kind of terrified of it.

I do think that as I've gotten older that I've become a little more accustomed to change and a little less terrified, but the fear is always there. I've finally come to a decision. That instead of letting the fear and anxiety take over my life, I'm going to (attempt) to use it to push me further into what I want to do.

I have an interview this weekend with a college to talk about my options. I'm not so nervous about the going to school. In fact I'm kind of excited. I'm one of those people that kind of miss school sometimes. Sometimes. I'm more nervous about the COST of school, because, oh my hell, school is expensive. I know that there will always be a way, I'd just rather not be paying off my school loans until I'm 40, if I can help it.

I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested...

I've never been a critique partner before.

It's a little nerve-racking to be honest.

My amazing friend Helen , sent me her story to critique. Now, I know that I need to give more critique than "Aw, Helen, that was a GREAT book!!!" because every author knows that it can only improve. As nervous as I am to be a critique partner, I'm also kind of excited. It'll be nice to feel like my opinions about a book might actually make it better.

Thankfully, I follow amazing authors who give advice on how to be a good beta. *hugs amazing authors* ilu. &hearts

As nervous as I am to try and critique my friends' novel, I'm more nervous about having them critique mine. I've never really let anyone read my stuff. Not only that, but I have yet to get past 30,000 words in one singular novel. Recently a new idea popped into my head and it's definitely in uncharted territory.

Most everything I've written is with a male main character. Which may seem odd to some people, but for me, it's kind of awesome. You see, when I was just getting into writing I would do online written role play. In these role plays there were always an abundance of female characters. So to ensure that I would have someone to talk to, I ended up making a male character. It always worked. I became so accustomed to playing male characters that its always been hard for me to detach myself from them.

Not only did written role playing introduce me to a different perspective of writing, it also made me more adept at writing in third person than in first. I've tried writing through a female perspective and it never seems to work out as well as the male. I've tried writing from first person, and I just end up thinking it's wonky.

Now comes my conundrum. You see, there are these characters that have popped into my head, they're chatty, and dorky, and everything I love in characters. But they seem to only want to talk to me when I write their story from first person. However, these characters have grapsed my interest enough that I keep trying. I end up writing in third person, then they stop talking to me (which may be a good thing when I'm at work), and don't start talking to me again until I change it to first person.

My characters are rude to me, but I love them.

(btw, I'm not crazy. Having characters talk to you is completely normal behavior.... for writers.)
Any ideas on how to cope with being outside your comfort zone? Or should I just dive head first into it?