I don't like change.
In fact I normally try and stay away from change. I don't like to break out of my routines or out of my own little bubble. I've always been one of those people that has to be kicked through the door before I would normally even consider opening it.
The person who used to be able to kick me through that door, used to be my mother. But with her on the other side of the country, her legs don't reach that far. So I've had to try and kick myself through that door. Even with the amazing friends and family that I have, I've always been afraid of doing new things. Afraid that I'm going to fail, afraid that I'm going to get done with it then realize I wanted something else. So maybe I should change my first statement... It's not that I don't like change...
I'm kind of terrified of it.
I do think that as I've gotten older that I've become a little more accustomed to change and a little less terrified, but the fear is always there. I've finally come to a decision. That instead of letting the fear and anxiety take over my life, I'm going to (attempt) to use it to push me further into what I want to do.
I have an interview this weekend with a college to talk about my options. I'm not so nervous about the going to school. In fact I'm kind of excited. I'm one of those people that kind of miss school sometimes. Sometimes. I'm more nervous about the COST of school, because, oh my hell, school is expensive. I know that there will always be a way, I'd just rather not be paying off my school loans until I'm 40, if I can help it.
School is expensize. Sometimes I find myself more worried about that than actually going to school and graduating.
ReplyDeleteInstead of kicking down the door, I usually just climb in through the window. My entrance is so much more quieter this way.
*hugs* you can do it, hun!
ReplyDelete