Sometimes, I wish I controlled my characters.

I'm participating in NaNoWriMo once again. I love the community of writers that get together and how supportive it is.
However...

I'm behind. 

Like... REALLY behind. 

Like 26,625 words behind.

I do have a good reason. Well, a decent reason. Okay, it's just a reason. 

Every day I sit down to write. I take a deep breath, put my fingers on the keys and begin typing. As I write, I notice that all my character does at the moment is whine. Seriously, all she does is cry and whine and complain about how hard her life is. 

I try and put her in situations where she has to interact with people-- she goes in a corner and sulks.

I introduce her to a new character-- she just imagines their life is better than hers and she sulks.

I leave her at home to wallow-- and she sulks

I've even tried writing from different parts of the story-- as still she sulks. 

she sulks like this....

It has gotten to the point that I am not enjoying this character. I was never raised to be a girl who whines about her life, I don't like characters like that. I like female characters who can hold their own and stand up to bullies. I like female characters that can take as good as they can give. That can be damsels but also heroines. 

It's not that I'm blocked, I know what I want to happen. I know how I want to get there and roughly the steps to take. But my character is just not cooperating at all.

I mentioned this dilemma to a few of my friends at work and both responded with "You know you control the story right...?"

You would think that is the case. Logic tells you that a writer controls the characters, not the other way around. 

In my situation, you'd be wrong.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to win this year, but I don't think I can do it with this story, and the idea that I can write a whole NaNo in a week is, frankly, out of the question. 

Do It Anyway.

I was reading over one of my drabbles a little while ago, and ran across this paragraph I had written.

For the most part, I blame my lack of ambition on fear. Fear of failing, fear of succeeding and not know what the hell I'm doing, fear of things that are new. I'm very comfortable in my little box. I look out on the other members of my graduating class who are married or have high end jobs. It just seems kind of stressful. Stress is something I avoid whenever possible. I'm content with my life, my friends and my itty bitty living space. Why would I need more?

If I were ever to be asked to write a paragraph describing me, this would pretty much be it. It's no secret that I'm a bit of a scaredy cat. I often create excuses not to do something and convince myself that I shouldn't even try. My self confidence in a few things is pretty solid, but on those things where I actually have to put it out there where people might not actually like it, I'd rather just leave it on my desktop to collect dust.

NaNoWriMo has been one of those things where I have to constantly tell myself that I can do this. Maybe it's just that I'm still finding my footing and my voice in writing, maybe it's just that I'm editing too much as I write. But I really think that I might be onto something this year.

Last year, I finished because I wanted to prove to myself that I could. It was the first year that I had ever finished. And now this year, I found a story that I'm actually pretty passionate about (the plot will remain a secret to the blog, for now). As I write it, I have to keep reminding myself that this is just a first draft, I can make all the mistakes, cliches and plot missteps I want, because they'll all get polished in editing. The whole point this year, is for me to get from point A to point B while making things make a fair amount of sense in between. Then when I'm done, I'm just going to have to dive in, and see what I can make out of this brain child.

Then, when it reaches that point where I'm just too terrified to finish, I'll look back on this entry, and this post, and say to myself "Do It Anyway."

Did you ever want to write a novel? A lot of people want to write a book.

In addition to my last post, I realized I was forgetting one key thing that helps me during NaNoWriMo.

An awesome wallpaper.
Last year, I made a wallpaper, it was a pretty big hit with most people. Not only that, but I was really proud of it. It was simple but nice and got the point across.



Now, for this year, I'm trying to find another quote to use. I really love the John Green quote because during NaNo, it's something I have beat in my brain. But I'm wondering if any of my lovely readers have other favorite quotes pertaining to writing.

Is there a saying that you live by while you write?
Or one that has just kind of stuck with you?

Let me know, I may use it in a wallpaper (or two). The only thing is that it has to be a fairly short quote. So leave a comment and let me know what your favorite quotes about writing are.

It Starts... again.

It's that time again.

With November quickly approaching, I'm starting to brainstorm as to what I want to try writing about this year. Last year I was surprised to actually finish, surprised but proud of myself. Looking at it from a distance, it's easy to say "It's ONLY 50,000 words." or "I have a full 30 days to write it." But what I learned last year is that it takes some incredible focus to actually be able to finish.
Also, a lot of chocolate and chai tea.

Here is what I discovered helped me a lot, after finishing my NaNo last year.

1: Write Every. Single. Day.
Even if I only wrote 100 words, I made sure to write something. More than anything, it kept the story fresh in my mind, and helped me maintain focus on the story.

2: Find Good Music to Write to.
For me, I would listen to upbeat, and silly music on my way to wherever I was writing at the time (I highly suggest ALL CAPS for this part). Then when it came to the actual writing, it was movie and TV scores all the way. For me, it was the Stardust, Warehouse 13 and P.S. I Love You Soundtracks.

3: Surround Yourself With People Who Are Doing the Same Thing.
I wrote more during my write-ins with my region, than I ever did by myself. It wasn't just that we had a few writing sprints, but just being surrounded by all those people who just gathered to write and do nothing (or mostly nothing) else. It was a supportive community, and really helps.

4: Good Food.
One of the worst things about going down to write-ins is that you can't really bring food with you. I mean, you can, but they frown upon it. So it forces you either to live (almost literally during NaNo) on cafe food, or bring small snacks that can be concealed and eaten quickly. I became a big fan of dried cranberries and sunflower seeds. Also, chai. I drank so much chai during last November, I'm pretty sure it was my main sustainer.

5: Have a Theme for the Month.
Last year, since it was the first year I was putting forth a real solid effort to finish NaNo, I made myself a wallpaper with a quote from John Green on it. This quote, pushed me through NaNo like nothing else.

So this NaNo season, the thing I recommend the most is to surround yourself with people who are also trying to do NaNo. If for no other reason than when you get to those bang your head against the desk repeatedly moments (and there will be many), you'll have someone who understands and someone who may even be able to help you out of a plot corner that you've painted yourself into.

And for those participating and in Salt Lake County, check out our NaNo Forum for updates on the kick-off party and soon, a list of where and when write-ins should be. Also, be sure to add me as a writing buddy!

Camp NaNoWriMo

Here's the thing.
I write pretty slowly. I was lucky to finish NaNoWriMo last year.

Then today, I got an e-mail from the NaNoWriMo team, about Camp NaNoWriMo. For June and/or August. The idea isn't completely repulsing me, it also doesn't make me think that it would be too much to handle. It's more curiosity.

As exhausted as I was after Novembers NaNo, I still find myself a bit curious as to whether or not I could do it in a month again. With a new job, new hours, and virtually no TV, could I make it again through another 50,000 word novel?

So as of right now, I'm going to do it. If I fail, then I fail. It wouldn't be the first time, won't be the last. If anyone is planning on doing it too, let me know. Find me on the Camp NaNoWriMo site.

It's been one month...

(I almost started singing "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies, then I realized that it was titled "One Week" not "One Month")

Almost exactly one month ago I finished my NaNoWriMo titled "Out of Tune".
It's been one month since closed it.
One month since I even looked at it.

With January 2012 quickly approaching, I'm realizing that it might be time for me to read my NaNo. Knowing full well that it will probably (read: most likely) be the worst piece of fiction that I've ever read. Mostly because, I ended it terribly. I knew that when I wrote it.

I'm sure every writer goes through this. Every writer has the moment when they've finished their first draft and think "Crap... now I have to read this." It's a bit like that moment in Tangled where Rapunzel finally escapes then has a major mood swing about leaving.

You know, this scene:

You go from that amazing feeling of finishing your book to that terrible nervous feeling of figuring out that you're kind of a terrible writer. While I realize that most writer's first drafts are crap (as most writers say, "A novel isn't a novel until the revision process."), this being my first novel I've ever finished (hell, this is my first novel I've ever spent this much time on), it's an incredibly scary task to take on.

It's also a task that can only be put off for so long before I need to bite the bullet and just go for it. After all, Walt Disney once said:

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing."

Curse you Walt Disney for having good advice that I can't deny! *shakes fist*
Time for me to quit talking about revising, and just start.

 

"Zoinks!"

In Which Opportunity Knocks Twice in Two Days...

And both times, I opened the door.

Wednesday, at approximately 1:00 pm Mountain Standard Time, I wrote my 50,000th word in my NaNo.

Sure, it's a massive crap pile that will probably not do anything but sit on my computer lonely singing "All By Myself", but it's written.

This is especially awesome for me, because this is the first novel I have ever finished. Does it have plot holes? Absolutely. Are my main characters Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus? You betcha. Am I still incredibly proud of myself? No doubt about it.

November was a hard month to do this in. It was painful and tedious and most of the time I just threw in kissing because I couldn't think of what else to write about at that moment. The fact that I finished it and didn't give up after 11,000 words (like I have the past few years) proves to myself that I can do this if I put my mind to it.

Though putting my mind to another novel is going to wait for at least a month.

------

I'm not sure what made me send in an application for it, but I'm glad I did.

A little while ago, I discovered a website called GeekCrafts.com. This is one of those websites that I could easily surf for hours and hours and not get bored.

A few days ago, the main mod posted a calling for new bloggers. Figuring that I probably didn't stand a chance, but that I wanted to try anyway, I sent in an enthusiastic e-mail with a sample post (where I searched the internet for Stargate crafts and found a couple). This afternoon (again, while at work) I received an e-mail back telling me that I was now going to be one of their weekly bloggers.

That's right.

(this is an accurate representation of how I felt when the e-mail came)

I'll be posting every Sunday. Huzzah!!!!

Suddenly things are looking up.

NaNoWriMo: Week One

(I am far too lazy to edit this and make sure it makes sense. Forgive me.)

In this first week of NaNoWriMo, I've actually discovered a lot of things about my book, and about how I write.

One: I can't write at home.
Don't get me wrong, I love my house. But when I'm home, I just want to watch tv, or play a video game, or something. I don't want to write. I can, I just don't like to. Lately, I've take to walking over to the library after work, and writing for a few hours before heading home. This seems to be helping a lot. As do the write-ins that my region has scheduled fairly frequently. Which brings me to the next thing I've learned.

Two: Write-ins + Anna = SUCCESS!!!
I had decided to try and get more involved with the NaNoWriMo community this year, in hopes that it'd help me stay on track a bit more. We have some pretty amazing Municipal Liaisons, who have scheduled a lot of Write-Ins. I had never been to one, so I was a little weary, thinking that they might not be the best for my word count. After going to one, I'm hooked. The first one I went too was pretty relaxed. Even the ML's said that it was one of the most productive and low key Write-Ins they had ever been too. Though part of the reason for that might have been because we were not only at library, but a church library. *shrug*

Three: Traditions
There are a few things that I have to do or have when I write.

I. I have to listen to the NaNoWriMo song before I write. It reminds me of what I'm doing.

 II. I have to wear my clover bracelet that my best friend gave me for two reasons, one because my best friend gave it to me and it reminds me that I have support in doing my NaNo. Two, because as of a few weeks ago, I added a new charm to the bracelet that is a snowflake. This snowflake is on this bracelet because of all the things that Helen and I bonded over, Meg Cabot was the first thing that brought us together. In one of the Princess Diaries books, Michael gives Mia a snowflake necklace. This snowflake also reminds me of an author that I aspire to be.
III. I have to document my progress on as many social networking sites as possible. Mostly it's Facebook and Twitter.

Four: When in doubt, use Write Or Die
Write or Die is a web application where you can set a goal of how many words you want to get written in a time limit. My standard is 500 words in 10-15 minutes. The thing with Write or Die is that I set it to
Consequences: Kamikaze
Grace Period: Strict
What this does is when I stop writing it sets a time. If I stop writing for more than a few seconds, it starts killing off my word count and then I have to make it up with less time. It sounds a little evil, and it sort of is, but when you're down by 2,000 and can't think of what else to write, you'd be amazed at how the words flow when you know they're going to commit suicide if you stop.

Now that I've found things that I know help me. I'm feeling pretty good about this year's NaNo...even if as of this moment, I'm like 3200 words behind.

Allowing Yourself to Suck

Q. How do you deal with writers’ block?
A. I just give myself permission to suck. I delete about 90% of my first drafts (the only exception to this rule so far has been Will Grayson, Will Grayson) so it doesn’t really matter much if on a particular day I write beautiful and brilliant prose that will stick in the minds of my readers forever, because there’s a 90% chance I’m just gonna delete whatever I write anyway. I find this hugely liberating.

I also like to remind myself of something my dad said to me once in re. writers’ block: “Coal miners don’t get coal miners’ block.”
-John Green

Oh John Green, Thank you for giving me a motto to live by through all of November and the craziness that is NaNoWriMo. This piece of advice struck me, since I firmly believe that my writing is the suckiest of all suck. It's the Suck Queen of the Suck Empire. But I've never thought about giving myself permission to be a sucky writer.

In the months since discovering the Vlogbrothers, John Green has intrigued me particularly. I've never found an author that communicates with their readers so much. While communicating with his brother through YouTube videos, he also lets his fans know him as a person. I know a lot more about him than I do about some of my all time favorite authors, and it's because of this relationship that he creates with his readers that these books are so amazing. Well that, and John Green is clearly a genius. Or insane.

John Green. Author. Nerdfighter. Youtuber. Person insane enough to sign all first edition copies of his new book The Fault in Our Stars (that you can buy here). Thank you for reminding me that it's okay to allow myself to suck.

(Another thing that is going to get me through NaNoWriMo? This song.)

That all being said, with NaNoWriMo just around the corner, I'm using this piece of advice as my personal motto for the month of November. I may not finish NaNoWriMo, but I'm definitely going to try, and going to give myself permission to suck at it. Which won't be too difficult.

If you want follow my progress, feel free to add me as a writing buddy here.